Springfield Wednes

My tweets

  • Thu, 13:30: Chuck Todd agrees with @realDonaldTrump that the disease killing us by the thousands is a total buzzkill. So Anybody not getting airlifted to Walter Reed is doomed, right? Sucks. I was on track for another birthday this year...
  • Thu, 13:31: I’m trying, Writer Guy. It’s so hard. https://t.co/bFjWS1Evbx
  • Thu, 13:33: Whelp, we have enough food and supplies to last 6 weeks, and can defend ourselves from a break-in. I guess that means we’re ready for election night...and the Purge.
  • Thu, 23:18: I gotta say, @PeteButtigieg has been slaying these interviews on @FoxNews. I haven’t crushed on a gay guy so hard since I was an undergrad. 🤣😂
Springfield Wednes

My tweets

  • Wed, 14:44: I wish there was a way to know if things are gonna get better next week or if it’s all gonna get infinity-times-worse. I cannot live through a worse version of this. It’s too much. Hubs and I had the mammogram argument again. JFC...
  • Wed, 15:47: Is there a sadder statement about #Trumpism than ppl continuing to praise the cruel monster who literally left them to die in the cold? No, I’m asking. #TrumpRallyOmaha
  • Wed, 16:27: We’ll all be a little happier if Ron Funches gets the new gig he wants. This would be so dope! https://t.co/6y8KY1VMp3
  • Wed, 22:17: Because there are religious groups who actually support body autonomy for women. https://t.co/GlJfmA0PHg
  • Thu, 03:55: I am totally here for this Vince Vaughn serial killer Freaky Friday thing. But WTF is up with the trailer calling him “old?” Pat Robertson is old. Vince Vaughn has at least 30 more years of sexy ahead.
Springfield Wednes

My tweets

Springfield Wednes

My tweets

  • Mon, 14:38: When I was a stoned 20-something, we dreamed of a day when @tacobell delivered. Now they do, but they discontinued all the food I like. No Mexican pizza, no mexi-melts, no apple dessert thingys. Cruel fate, why do you mock me?!?
  • Mon, 20:55: Hey fellow #potheads, what #strain is best for forgetting that you’re living in a fucktangular hellscape? #AmyConeyBarrettSCOTUS is the key to stealing healthcare, invalidating basic rights of millions, abolishing the minimum wage, and further eroding votings rights. 🤬
Springfield Wednes

My tweets

  • Sat, 21:25: You’d think a guy whose middle name means ‘toilet stall’ would be a little more circumspect...until you realized it was this fuckin guy. https://t.co/KVkraSjJYc
  • Sat, 21:29: What would happen if ⁦@DonaldJTrumpJr⁩ ran, not as a pandering shill—bit as a public servant who wanted to do good things? Can you imagine? I’d follow him around the country like the Grateful Dead. https://t.co/wNJfxuHYx7
  • Sun, 00:19: FFS, @nbcsnl. We get it. Trump sucks and politics is stupid. Quit pointing out the absurdist nightmare we’re living in and make me fucking #laugh. Please. #SNL
  • Sun, 01:04: Did y’all see #MikeyDay gyrating in the cowboy outfit during #WeekendUpdate? There might have also been jokes or something, I’m honestly not sure. But if there’s more footage of that someplace, I should very much like to see it. @nbcsnl
Springfield Wednes

My tweets

  • Fri, 19:45: The fakery would be bad enough, but this is some weak-ass fake-ass fakery. How dumb do these MFs think ppl are?!? https://t.co/M5Qj1Ux5LF
  • Fri, 22:15: Watched @TheConnersABC premiere off the DVR. #Darlene is pretty much channeling me right now. Damn. The Clooney jokes were legit.
  • Sat, 00:57: We’re a week out, so—who’s doing @NaNoWriMo this year? Anyone who wants to eat my literary dust should feel free to add me. I’m “Wednes.”
Springfield Wednes

My tweets

  • Thu, 12:26: Holy Shit, @realDonaldTrump’s actual Twitter password was #MAGA2020. I literally cannot even. Now that he’s been hacked, I imagine he’ll change it to President Scroob’s luggage combination. #12345 https://t.co/GTNkm6xaxp
  • Thu, 12:34: Is it normal to find 1,000 reasons to suddenly change your mind less than an hour before the vet comes to do end-of-life? He looked at me. Maybe he’s fine. He tried to walk, maybe he’s fine. Sniffed his food? He’s practically cancer free? God dammit. Today sucks so fucking hard. https://t.co/gER5jqmiRj
  • Thu, 13:55: My little Jojo is gone forever. If I may make light of my own personal tragedy, I haven’t been this sad since I found out @DonaldJTrumpJr’s new girlfriend wasn’t me. Like Jojo’s stupid cancer, that was also completely unfair. #CatsOfTwitter https://t.co/Q50EH7KKSJ
  • Thu, 16:29: Am I dreaming? This is really what the sitting #POTUS released because he thought it made him look good?!? He sounds like a 6-year-old with oppositional defiance disorder. What a petulant little fool. #60minutes https://t.co/oLqPrLmJT8
  • Thu, 18:47: Getting dressed finally and found it quite easy to tuck in my shirt while standing up. Am I high, or does that mean I’m qualified to be the mayor of #NewYorkCity? Because that would be dope AF.
  • Thu, 22:36: Does @realDonaldTrump not realize that when he asks @JoeBiden why he didn’t unilaterally enact policies as VP, he’s literally yelling that he still doesn’t understand basic government processes? #Debates2020
  • Fri, 11:09: I realize there’s nothing funny about what’s happening to American government. But watching @megynkelly stan for DJT while pretending to be an actual journalist is chuckleworthy AF. Who do these panderers think they’re fooling?
Springfield Wednes

My tweets

  • Wed, 12:27: So...my favorite #cat I’ve ever had is near #death. I’m afraid to get out of bed because the thought of discovering his little body is too much right now. I’m such a wuss. 2020 can fucking blow me.
  • Wed, 16:13: Why can’t I vote for this nice lady? https://t.co/socxRWIXKY
  • Wed, 19:16: Fine. In honor of @RudyGiuliani, this page is temporarily suspending its moratorium on #spoilers. Bring forth the #Borat.
  • Thu, 10:41: It’s tragic how many #conservative #men think it’s creepy and uncomfortable for a #father to show affection for his #son. That cold withholding crap is how y’all became conservative men in the 1st place. Happy ppl don’t hurt others for fun. @JoeBiden 💜💙
Springfield Wednes

My tweets

  • Tue, 18:42: If I understand the @GOP mindset correctly, it’s NBD to enable #treason, sidestep #accountability, & pave the way for a brutal madman—so long as eventually you make a statement that you were “conflicted” about it. 🙄 No one will be #conflicted when we vote your asses out!
  • Tue, 18:47: Oh shit! Tea spilled. https://t.co/oXE7B0SCeU
  • Tue, 19:32: They: You're so mean to that guy online. Me: He's a dick. He was a dick to me in school. They: Why don't you just unfriend? Me: But...how else will I be able to tell him I think he's a dick? He needs to know. HE NEEDS TO KNOW!! They: That seems dickish of you. Me: *unfriend* Fin.