Whaddaya MEAN you've never heard of me?!?

• February 27th, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Fri, 17:42: Holy flurking snit! Are y’all kidding with this #CPAC2021 stage design? You’re not even hiding in plain sight—you’re just in plain sight. #GoldenCalf #GOPBetrayedAmerica https://t.co/aP5dWiho6F
• Sat, 08:52: You know what’s weird? When jaggy alt-reich whackadoos are trying to insult me by saying I probably have #cats. 1. The internet loves cats. Read the room. 2. How is that even an insult? 3. Look at that little face! That tiny mustache! #adorbs #Caturday #CatsOfTwitter https://t.co/IMFGz5hMhi
• Sat, 09:43: RT @IlhanMN: We just passed the Covid relief bill with $15 minimum wage increase. Disappointed that zero Republicans voted to provide suppo…
• Sat, 09:44: These kids today... https://t.co/FMzynkZxem
• Sat, 09:47: RT @TalbertSwan: Bill Maher and Megyn Kelly say children shouldn’t be burdened with race issues. I’m sure young Tamir Rice would agree wit…
• Sat, 09:53: I didn’t buy a new @MerriamWebster this year. Did the meaning of “banned” change to ‘episodes now streaming on @disneyplus?’ If not, my good buddy @DonaldJTrumpJr here is a liar. #Muppets #MuppetShow https://t.co/a1P2VwioQw
• Sat, 09:56: RT @ArgusC: @ProjectLincoln https://t.co/t14uZic2n7
• Sat, 10:27: Team “We Hate Cancel Culture” strikes again. I’m really polite too. 🤣😂😏 Maybe she’s jealous because my last book is funnier than whatever pro-drunken sexual assault nonsense this is. https://t.co/pxsRqjkNY6

• Tags

  #adorbs, #cats, #catsoftwitter, #caturday, #cpac2021, #goldencalf, #gopbetrayedamerica, #muppets, #muppetshow, twitter

• February 26th, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Thu, 13:24: Only two days left to get a free bath fizzy when you order from ScaredSoapless dot com. Spooky Soaps for the Discerning Bod. https://t.co/uxWWM6v8ce
• Thu, 14:38: Before the alt-reich outrage starts over #potatohead #potatogate I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone that potatoes are not assigned s #gender at birth & thus, can be any damn gender (or enby) they want. If it bothers you, keep your eyes on your own potato.
• Thu, 21:10: It’s fun when ppl who hate my #politics still love my #book! “I Saved the #President's Son” is totally available now. You know who should have me on to talk about it? ⁦@seanhannity⁩ or maybe ⁦@TuckerCarlson⁩ and his big dumb face. https://t.co/2Z3boVG4zA #Amazon
• Fri, 08:56: Yup. My boss thought I was kidding when I told her why I needed the day off work. I was not. https://t.co/ETi2BI64wL
• Fri, 09:56: RT @AriDrennen: Not one single trans person is quoted in this @nytimes article about the Equality Act passing today, but they did give thre…
• Fri, 09:59: Imagine being this proud to announce your own hatred and ignorance. #Science https://t.co/R1HOPQd61g
• Fri, 10:04: Right? Being a “fan” used to mean you loved something. Now it means you fancy yourself an authority on why it sucks. https://t.co/9vkSUQ0mSx
• Fri, 10:29: Anybody know the best way to watch @DonaldJTrumpJr ‘s speech at #CPAC? No, I’m not joking. I really want to watch. #CPAC2021

• Tags

  #amazon, #book, #cpac, #cpac2021, #gender, #politics, #potatogate, #potatohead, #president, #science, twitter

• February 25th, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Wed, 13:04: But don’t forget, the alt-reich haaaates stifling free speech. Hates it. Guess Chachi isn’t as big a fan of “telling it like it is” after all. https://t.co/VbFQ7oQWty
• Wed, 16:06: Why are ppl are so shocked whenever they find out that #liberal/progressive folks also own #guns? Readiness for a #zombie apocalypse is not limited to one political ideology. 🤣😂 Still, Wayne LaPierre and the @NRA can get bent over their silence over Phil Castile.
• Wed, 18:43: It’s weird how all the #COVID deniers who were screaming that the #death numbers were exaggerated are now FURIOUS that #Cuomo was lowballing them. 🤔
• Wed, 19:25: As it's been a year since I promised my husband I'd make a #will, I actually made one today. I can't have my dope-ass collection of @OriginalFunko Pops falling into the wrong hands after my demise...

• Tags

  #covid, #cuomo, #death, #guns, #liberal, #will, #zombie, twitter

• February 24th, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Tue, 17:24: Wait a minute...#FireFauci is trending but Louis DeJoy is still getting paid by taxpayers to screw up one of our oldest public services? Say, @POTUS, I don't suppose you could get on this when you have a free moment...
• Tue, 17:29: Imagine me smoking a cig and beating a drum while I say RIP to this great literary man. https://t.co/srRyCSd3iz
• Tue, 18:40: Attn: Ladies in every #crafting community, If you’re really “afraid” to tell your #husband how much you spend on crafting, your marriage is abusive. Domestic #abuse isn’t cute or funny. If you need help, PM me. If you don’t, stop making that “joke.”
• Tue, 20:54: Hang on. How is there not a gay porn movie titled “All the President’s Men?” Somebody owes me an explanation.
• Wed, 11:37: Well that’s a relief! Wait... https://t.co/SRyZMlTN32

• Tags

  #abuse, #crafting, #firefauci, #husband, twitter

• February 23rd, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Mon, 13:49: I spent $15 Earth dollars to see #Freaky. I was taken aback by how delightfully self-aware, fun, creepy, and charming it was. Vince Vaughn is always so great at portraying fun murderers. But who knew he could play a teenage girl? Also, I want that knife. Soooo stabby!
• Mon, 19:11: #Feminism, amirite? 😂🤣 Do they call her "Mrs Chapo?" I don't really know how drugs work. 🙃 https://t.co/0V7LPhoN0c
• Mon, 19:17: SilverSpoon Babyman who stumbled ass-backward into the presidency & teflon'd his way through TWO impeachments and an attempted overthrow of a federal government demands to know why everyone is always picking on him. Related: Can somebody PLEASE get this MFer a Strunk and White? https://t.co/yK9Psn4CqA
• Mon, 19:36: Apologies to frogs everywhere. Somebody needs to do this with all of these batshit vids. Still, it’s awful when a guy slowly but completely loses his mind right in front of everybody. https://t.co/aLTHtNads9
• Mon, 20:59: Right? None of these new weirdos know how to government. https://t.co/LiApmEdnls
• Tue, 07:41: I’ll be taking a break from mental well-being in order to focus on social media. You know, as long as my favorite person on Twitter is slowly disintegrating before my eyes. https://t.co/u3KvwEzaxp
• Tue, 11:42: Only a few people out there really get me, Like this clever fellow right here. https://t.co/ap6VTeUEZU

• Tags

  #feminism, #freaky, twitter

• February 22nd, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Sun, 15:29: Now, this is shocking. People still watch The Walking Dead? https://t.co/9h7ThDy9pM
• Sun, 17:31: Been up all day working, but now I'm done. Time for a spicy tuna poke bowl for dinner, followed by enough #weed to couch-lock @SnoopDogg's entire crew. Plus I gotta watch #WandaVision again from the beginning, because JFC, Friday's ep!!!

• Tags

  #wandavision, #weed, twitter

• February 21st, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Sat, 14:20: #NationalLoveYourPetDay #Caturday Nigel and Calpurnia are fancy AF. https://t.co/J2YiRyjJiV
• Sat, 14:31: If you live with someone, going off your psyche meds and not telling them is a far worse betrayal of trust than adultery. If you do that and lose the relationship, that is 150% on you. So no, you cannot crash here, you selfish stupid SOB.
• Sat, 14:48: Did they find Matt Damon yet? https://t.co/n19Aa0easu
• Sat, 17:38: Does anybody know if we’re actually getting @TheSimpsons and @FamilyGuyonFOX tomorrow? Or is my DVR gonna fill up with more dudes driving in a circle really fast? #NASCAR
• Sat, 19:09: Don jr calling out Romney about the "love he so desperately desires," as if he hasn't given up his entire life to be a "useful idiot" in service of a cruel, violent shitbag. It's as transparent as it is tragic. But sure, Democrats help people. Sick burn, bro. https://t.co/4aAGuwzdGO
• Sat, 22:50: Shout out to the ppl of #France for buying so many copies that my rent will not be late. Merci! Clearly, @DonaldJTrumpJr is a modern-day Jerry Lewis to y'all! 😂🤣 The rest of you's? Don't miss my (#pseudonym) witty, smitten political musings. Please. https://t.co/VDrhiY0L39

• Tags

  #caturday, #france, #nascar, #nationalloveyourpetday, #pseudonym, twitter

• February 20th, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Fri, 13:55: Long weekend of meeting deadlines (kinda) and filling orders. If the power goes out again, I will not be pleased. Also, these Blood on the Rocks soaps turned out delightful. You can git some at Scaredsoapless dot com. https://t.co/cMK3efn591
• Fri, 14:41: It’s weird how the #GQP is totally cool with travelers from a disease-ridden nation crossing the border to find safer conditions for their family...so long as the refugee in question is @tedcruz. Also, shouldn’t he be in quarantine now that he’s back?
• Fri, 17:30: Weird how many ppl swore they were canceling @disneyplus last week, but are now posting about enjoying #TheMuppetShow today. Is Lack-of-virtue Signaling a thing? #CancelCulture
• Fri, 17:50: You’d think Flyin’ Ted would have learned from Mitt Romney that animal cruelty brings universal loathing. https://t.co/fqNY6Vurcc
• Fri, 20:35: ONE OF US! ONE OF US! GOOBLE GOBBLE ONE OF US! https://t.co/Gqvt7Jy5bC

• Tags

  #cancelculture, #gqp, #themuppetshow, twitter

• February 19th, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Thu, 18:39: Hahaha, I bet he’ll fuck you up if you insult his wife, too. https://t.co/hi4FF3UgB7
• Thu, 19:47: The best text to get from your #weed guy needs no words. https://t.co/5NHOWo6nFX

• Tags

  #weed, twitter

• February 18th, 2021, 12:00 pm

My tweets

• Wed, 12:28: As a lifelong progressive tree-hugging Democrat, it’s unnerving to hear ppl on my own team say “the Weavers” deserve death or torture for writing a book they haven’t even read. Irony is, the book is hilarious and would probably put them in a better mood.
• Wed, 12:57: Symbolism is symbolic. #MAGA #MagaIsACult Trump Plaza implosion: The Atlantic City casino came down this morning https://t.co/xdVj5RTCYc via @YouTube
• Wed, 13:00: If even nice people are rejoicing at your death, you lived the life of an asshole.
• Wed, 18:13: They: "Can't you think of ONE decent thing to say about Rush Limbaugh?" Me: I can think of 2. 1. He was pretty funny on Family Guy that one time. 2. He can never hurt anyone else ever again. #goodriddance #RotInHellRush #RotInHell
• Wed, 18:17: Does anybody know how I can get cast in one of these @DisneyStudios villain movies? I was born to play Mad Madame Mim.
• Wed, 18:49: More death threats? Really? If you don't have anything better to do than wish for my violent demise, your boring-ass life must super suck. FFS, if @DonaldJTrumpJr gets elected to something, it won't be because of me. I'm not remotely that powerful, & I loathe his politics. Duh.
• Wed, 19:15: Holy wow! @Shudder just added The Ninth Configuration. I haven’t seen that movie since the 80s, when I was waaaay too young for it. #horror #HorrorMovies
• Wed, 19:54: I’m seeing #RushLimbaughRIP posts with the #ConfederateFlag at half mast. I honestly can’t tell whether that’s homage or shade. #goodriddance #BurnInHellRush
• Thu, 07:56: They (all last month): How can you tell @tedcruz to resign? He hasn’t been charged with a crime! People need him! Me: For what? *today* Me: Ted Cruz is flying off to someplace warm while Texans are freezing and dying. They: Wow, maybe he should resign. Me: You think? 🤬🤯
• Thu, 08:17: Here’s an idea, never EVER try to pull rank on me when discussing #TheAddamsFamily... ...as if I haven’t been living and breathing it my whole life. Just don’t do it. *nike swoosh*

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• Tags

  #burninhellrush, #confederateflag, #goodriddance, #horror, #horrormovies, #maga, #magaisacult, #rotinhell, #rotinhellrush, #rushlimbaughrip, #theaddamsfamily, twitter