My tweets
- Mon, 20:30: Did you know that when you agree to do a medical study, you can get your medical bills covered?
My tweets
- Sun, 15:43: They didn’t mention her in the #Brooklyn99 finale, but I’m going to presume that Captain Olivia Crawford also had a good future. It’s very likely she’d want to be involved in #PoliceReform. JS.
- Sun, 17:45: Not all white folk are like this…but it does seem like everyone saying shit like this is cis het white AF. https://t.co/LVxSYHn29w
- Sun, 17:52: The Donald praising Bill and @HillaryClinton for a minute and 12 sec. https://t.co/I17rfmbSC4
- Mon, 01:48: Oh no! Get well soon, man. https://t.co/6uiyDwGq8n
- Mon, 10:24: What if I don’t want it to be Monday? What then?
- Mon, 11:10: This #Halloween, give the treat that says “wash your hands!” #Peanut #allergy? Avoiding #gluten? #Diabetic? Spooky soaps a great for everyone. Code: SOAPLESS gives you #free US shipping! https://t.co/cko6n1wyv7
My tweets
- Sat, 12:03: RT @Y2John84: Days to #HalloweenKills: 🎃🎃🎃 🔪🔪🔪 🎃…
- Sat, 12:05: Oh dear, but what if they die before they can vote?!? https://t.co/Dscy57r0wt
- Sat, 12:10: Fine, Goddammit. I’ll watch #Malignant tonight.
- Sat, 12:28: RT @daniel_ryno: @J_Voorhees1980 The 2009 version I love that film so much I will never understand the hate it was a fantastic entry to the…
- Sat, 14:03: Friend: Do you think the Trumps are gonna be at that #rally for the #January6thInsurrection terrorists? Me: Do I think the #Trump family is going to give up a Saturday to show solidarity and support for #MAGA ppl they don’t need anymore? Um…no, I don’t think that.
- Sat, 14:09: Here’s what y’all sound like. https://t.co/IWDc3djvr5
- Sat, 17:49: Woke up to realize how sad it is that Sam #Kinison is no longer with us. He would have been the most entertaining #Jeopardy host ever. Cruel fate, why do you mock me???
- Sat, 17:58: Hey, @DonaldJTrumpJr, don’t think it’s gone unnoticed that you tweeted ONCE to beg your dads cultists to stop storming the Capitol ion 1/6, but at least 5 times today to insult law enforcement for…I guess showing up to defend the place? #January6th
- Sun, 00:53: RT @TheBoysTV: Now you have an update on Season 3! Stop sending your stan letters to our homes. https://t.co/cX5nOvJ0oB
- Sun, 02:56: #Ded #antivaxxers #antimask https://t.co/qWLYZaazym
My tweets
- Fri, 15:18: Was today years old when I learned #Texas has its own pledge. I guess the #TexasTaliban has always been power hungry. No wonder they started a #TexasWarOnWomen. https://t.co/6uVGtyng3H
- Fri, 16:01: There’s a @jimmyjohns less than a mile from me, but they’ve been saying for over a week that they don’t deliver to my complex. Not cool, Sammich Fam. You delivered here all summer.
- Fri, 16:45: H: Are you becoming a crazy cat lady like that Ellenor Abernathy? Me: Of course not—why would you even ask that? H: Amazon says 2 cat-size #Halloween #costumes are arriving today. Me: https://t.co/SzSoDnpFEl
- Sat, 10:33: Hey so…how many times has Bob #Woodward known we were close to [horrific and deadly thing DJT was doing] but held off on telling us because his book wasn’t out yet? That attitude is for thrilling fiction, not stuff that could have impacted say, an impeachment.
- Sat, 11:49: FFS, @Nextdoor posters, every person you don’t know that happens to be in your vicinity is not “suspicious.” What’s suspicious is you spying on everyone from your front window, believing they owe you an explanation for their existence.
My tweets
- Thu, 13:52: Apparently I’m off work today because of Yom Kippur. I never get holidays off for being a #TST member. We need to come up with a Satanic equivalent to major holidays. Satanic Purim would be Dionysian AF.
- Thu, 17:26: Just heard that people are taking medical advice from a guy too unstable to be allowed in #Metallica. Is “Symphony of Destruction” really what #MAGA country is looking for in a #pandemic? #Megadeth? #DoNotComply
- Thu, 18:06: I was asked to describe the “#whitest” thing about myself. I wasn’t sure. I cook spicy food & dance like an angel with rhythm. Then I remembered that I was almost 20 before I found out Charles #Schulz didn’t actually invent #Jazz (because I only heard it in Peanuts cartoons).
- Thu, 20:19: A MAGA/Q associate just informed me that I "Hate America." I realized that "Hate America" is how these fine folks interpret: "There are things about America that need to change." Imagine if we really "hated" everything we tried to change for the better. My brain is breaking!
- Thu, 21:54: You guys, #Florida can't be #Vietnam. The Donald actually went there. #FloridaIsVietnam
- Thu, 21:57: I was today years old when I learned there are people who prefer #BarneyMiller to #WelcomeBackKotter. How does it feel to be that wrong? Does...does it hurt? https://t.co/U14pzq4PSi
- Thu, 23:00: Well, the #Brooklyn99 finale was poignant, funny, and sweet—but could have used more #Pimento. Title of your sex movie. #FanService #BrooklynNineNine
- Fri, 00:15: What’s with the most science-denying people I know throwing around the phrase “monoclonal antibodies” like they’re suddenly Jonas fucking Salk? #VaccineMandate #GOPDeathCult #Vaccinated
My tweets
- Wed, 12:10: https://t.co/c7AEW2hfLN is indeed expecting #Halloween to happen this year. Avoid common food allergens with yummy smelling spooky soapstuffs. Trick-or-treat bundles and lip balm blowout packs all ship FREE with code: Soapless. https://t.co/JhRHWlpw0G
- Wed, 16:59: UrgentCare was neither. But it looks like y’all are stuck with me for a bit longer. My heart wouldn’t have the nerve to attack me for reals. Panic, OTOH…
- Wed, 20:25: Who’s got two thumbs and just bought two #cat-sized #Halloween #costumes for these little #terrors? 👍🏻👍🏻 Me, Wednes. https://t.co/IH60QEBfGQ
My tweets
- Tue, 14:50: Anybody know who this cowardly chump is? Some jaggy #MAGA boy, obviously, but is there more? https://t.co/mGzDAv86Aj
- Tue, 15:09: Pence isn’t just a homophobic loon who calls his wife “Mother.” He’s a power-hungry monster who needed the sane rationality of *checks notes* Dan Quayle to do anything remotely like the right thing. JFC… https://t.co/n5ocsJloKY
- Tue, 15:15: I only paid $19.50 for this signed copy of #Triggered. The original cover price was $29.99. His signature actually lowered the value. 🤣😂 Still, I’m absurdly pleased to have signed (bookplate, not the right way) copies of both DJTJ books. #Collectibles #FanStuff https://t.co/3RfRyCdmIH
- Tue, 15:22: Comedian Norm Macdonald dies of cancer at 61 - The Washington Post Oh shit, that’s awful. https://t.co/YMAjXEznNa
- Tue, 18:31: You ever have a conversation with someone who wanted to marry you 20 years ago and it feels like… https://t.co/5WntcZ9zAh
- Wed, 00:16: How much did #California taxpayers lose funding the @GOP ‘s attempt to oust #GavinNewsom for the terrible crime of keeping his constituents alive? Is it more or less than the bounties #Texas taxpayers are paying to snitches?
- Wed, 01:44: WHAT?!? #NinePerfectStrangers Frances needs to fix that shit immediately. Nobody treats Tony like that on MY watch! https://t.co/Ft8zYMCwbt
- Wed, 02:29: Well, isn’t that friendly? 😂🤣 https://t.co/GI83Mdp0oI
- Wed, 10:03: No, but my husband would get to. https://t.co/aTDrQtttNz
- Wed, 10:12: It’s after 10am and my favorite guy hasn’t tweeted yet. Where will I get my daily fix of smug??? https://t.co/t4cF4C9yfS
My tweets
- Tue, 08:41: Lemme see if I can summarize the coverage of the #MetGala2021 in one tweet: Person Wears Unusual Clothing, Wags Share Uninvited Opinions.
My tweets
- Sun, 16:45: Anybody else think this looks like a young Woody Harrelson? https://t.co/UikqlkDXfI
- Sun, 17:44: Wait, did @joerogan really threaten to #sue @CNN for joking about him eating #horse paste? 😂🤣 He’s a “fuck your feelings” guy who whines about how #snowflake #libs can’t take a joke, right? Has a progressive ever threatened to sue over #humor? Ever? I’m asking.
- Sun, 18:59: Just making sure John @hodgman knows about this glorious holiday cereal. Oh, and @iamjohnoliver too. #BreakfastOfChampions https://t.co/UPXSHbcBeb
My tweets
- Sat, 19:05: RT @CouchNish: A person called OwlKitty changed the Business Card scene from “American Psycho” to the guys showing each other pictures of t…
